Finding the Darkness
by marinapanic
Summary: Mourning the loss of her freedom and innocence, a true tragedy strikes Avery's life. Navigating through her fifth year, she finds herself heading in a downward spiral into drinking, dark magic, and boys - while learning valuable lessons about the strength of love, friendship and family.
1. Prologue

A/N: Hey guys, this is my new story focusing on a character I've had in the works for a while, but a concept I just thought of today. Just so you all know, I'm not anti-Hufflepuff. This story is told from Avery's point of view, in an awareness that she is telling a story to an audience. There will be many instances of her revealing information that would've been useful to know before, or just things that she doesn't say until its too late - but that is intentional and part of her character! Just want to clear that up now :) I'll usually do my authors notes at the end, and usually sparingly! Enjoy the story. I try to stick to events that are canonical to the story, but obviously since the books were told from Harry's general world perception, there will be deviating events.

Disclaimer! I do not own, did not create the characters/places/events in this story, except for those characters that do not exist in the Harry Potter world!

Prologue

I don't know where to start my story. It's long, there's humor, tragedy, war, etc. First tragedy is that despite not being born into the Black family, my parents, Emilia Greengrass and Rabastan Lestrange decided to continue a weird tradition and name my twin sister and I after constellations. Carina Emilia Lestrange and Capella Avery Lestrange. I'm Capella. I usually go by the name Avery because I hate my name.

Another tragedy is that despite growing up together with a close relationship with our mother (because father was in Azkaban), Carina and I lost our closeness when she was sorted into Hufflepuff in first year. I was sorted into Slytherin naturally, and she stopped talking to me – just like that. Is there humor anywhere in this? That, I don't know.

What I do know is that a third tragedy occurred, the summer before we went into our fifth year at Hogwarts – when Carina was found dead in her bedroom, one beautiful summer day. And a part of me died with her, as we were identical twins and all.

It's only been three weeks. Three weeks since Carina died, and I haven't left my room. I wish she'd come and talked to me – it killed me knowing that even though we'd barely talked the previous four years, I'd never pass her in the hallway – laughing and looking beautiful as ever, her eyes lighting up when the sun hit her face.

I really didn't want to face my friends, who I'd been avoiding, or my family, who have been so concerned, but it's just an act put on – Carina was a disappointment to them.

So here's where the story begins I guess. On the Hogwarts Express, going into my fifth year. Otherwise known as the year _after_ Umbridge, and the first year without Carina.


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer! I do not own, did not create the characters/places/events in this story, except for those characters that do not exist in the Harry Potter world!

Chapter One

"Ella!" A voice rang out as I walked down the platform, alone. Mum was off in Australia and my father was – well – he was in hiding. It had been mum, Carina and I all summer until well – you know. "Ella!" I didn't reply to that shortening of my hideous name. "Avery! Wait up!"

I whirled around and smiled at Theodore Nott, who was running up to me. I was a year below him and his friends, but I'd become quite close with the lot of them. "Draco is a prefect this year." He rolled his eyes, "Do you want to come sit with us?"

I didn't really have friends in my year, so I nodded at him thankfully. "Yes, thanks." My year was a very small one. There weren't many students at all, so I'd really looked to becoming friends with the upper years. Besides – my cousin Daphne was a year above me and she was pretty much my best friend. Her younger sister Astoria was in the year below me and we were quite close as well.

I followed him into a compartment, and he sat next to me instead of across from me, putting his hand on my own. "I'm sorry about your sister, Capella." He said, we'd known each other for a long time so I didn't bite his head off for calling me my real name.

"Thanks." I said quietly, "I'm sorry too." I refused to cry in front of him, "I miss her so much."

"Not to be insensitive," He said hesitantly, "What happened?"

"I don't know." I said, which was true. The investigation was pending, and we hadn't received the autopsy results from St. Mungo's yet. "I wish I did."

He squeezed my hand, and I let my head fall onto his shoulder – as the compartment opened and in walked my other friends – Daphne, Blaise Zabini, Gregory Goyle and Vincent Crabbe.

"What's going on in here?" Blaise asked, looking between Nott and myself. I shrugged, pulling myself up and pushing closer to Theo to make room for Daphne.

"Just talking." He said, "What took you lot so long?"

Blaise just shrugged. "Lots of little kids running around."

I nodded, laying my head on Daphne now, since she was here. I'd never not wanted to go to Hogwarts before. But this year – I really didn't want to go. I was so scared to be without Carina. Not even at school but in general.

I opened my purse and saw her diary sitting in there. I grabbed it out of her room before leaving to come to Hogwarts – if there was a clue as to what happened in that diary, I wanted to know it. I hadn't read it yet, but I had every intention of it.

Shortly after I lay on my cousin, I fell asleep, waking up only when a loudmouthed girl I couldn't stand came into the apartment, forcing herself to sit between Goyle and Zabini. Theo shuffled over so that Malfoy could sit next to me.

I nodded at them both. "Pansy, Draco." I said in recognition. Draco just looked at me, I couldn't tell if his eyes held sympathy or dislike – he and I had always gotten along just fine. We grew up together, actually. I'd had a crush on him until two years ago – when he brought Pansy to the Yule Ball instead of me. I remember feeling devastated.

I zoned out again as they talked, thinking about the diary and what it could hold. If it was anything like mine, there would probably be juicy details of fleeting romance and daring adventures.

Just kidding.

Mine was full of hope and fear of the future.

The train came to a halt, and I realized I hadn't even changed yet. Blaise was walking in from some Sluggy meeting? I wasn't paying much attention, and Draco had this weird look in his eyes. "I'm going to change." I said, "Wait up for me?"

"Of course." He said, not quite looking at me. There was a bit of a smirk on his face.

I grabbed the robes out of my trunk, going over to the next empty compartment, locking it, and changing into my uniform. Draco was waiting for me in the corridor. "Good?"

"Yup." I said, we walked off the train and towards the horseless carriages.

"Wait – Avery." He said, stopping and turning towards me, "I'm so sorry about your sister."

I didn't say anything, as he looked like he was going to keep going. He stared at me, before opening his mouth again. "I'm here if you need anything, okay?"

I nodded, taking a deep breath and giving him a smile. "Means a lot." I said quietly, getting into the carriage. He followed me, sitting down across from me.

We hadn't talked since the Ceremony this summer. The one where we were both sworn in as Death Eaters. He'd been given a task, and I'd been tasked with helping keep him on track. We looked at each other, not saying a single word.

"I'm here for you too, Draco." I finally said, wanting him to know that I wouldn't back out of what I was ordered, "Let me know anything you need, okay?"

He nodded, looking confident. "Thanks, Aves. I appreciate it."

The rest of our ride up to the castle was silent.

 _Dear Diary,_

 _I had my first kiss today. So I figured it's time to start a diary – because other than Hannah and Ginny Weasley, I really don't have anyone to talk to. And I can't tell them about this – because my first kiss was with Draco._

 _Draco Malfoy – aka the boy I've had a crush on forever._

 _I don't know what to do! I really like him, and I know Capella does as well. A lot. I've never told her about my feelings though. Okay. I'll let you know what happens. Until then,_

 _Carina_

I stared at the words written in Carina's handwriting in shock. Draco kissed her? I looked at the date. June 1, 1994. We would've been thirteen, finishing up second year. You see, we were born the same year as Draco and Daphne – 1981 – but we were born in December, so since we were eleven the September after them, we were in the year below them.

Carina and I were still kind of on good terms then! If I'd known about her crush on Draco – about their kiss – I would've definitely redirected my affections. Maybe. I was more shocked about Draco kissing a Hufflepuff – despite her being my sister. She and I were identical, afterall so I wasn't feeling insecure about the fact that he liked her and not me – we had the same face, the only difference was she had black hair and mine was blonde.

I wanted to keep reading, to see what happened next, but I was so tired, I fell asleep before that could happen.

I wasn't prepared for what the next day had to bring.

When I went down to the Great Hall for breakfast, it seemed word had finally spread about Carina's death – and everyone was staring at me.

A couple girls from Puffville even started crying at the sight of me. "She looks just like her!" She sobbed. Well duh, we were identical twins. I plopped down in between Malfoy and Nott, looking at the former. "Don't you have prefect things to be doing?" I asked. He shrugged.

Nott's arm snaked around my waist, and I looked over at him. "Can I help you?"

"Nope." He said, grinning at me cheekily. Theodore Nott's crush on me had never gone unnoticed, we'd known each other (and Draco) since we were toddlers, splashing around the fountains at Malfoy Manor. I'd never really thought about my feelings for him. Did I feel the same? Not quite. But he'd all of a sudden become very physically interested in me, holding my hand, putting his arm around me, poking me. And I didn't mind it at all – I liked the attention – and right now I kind of craved the affection.

I made eye contact with Draco and looked away. I'd read my sister's second diary entry – really quickly – before coming downstairs. A devastated ending to her first kiss story.

 _Dear Diary,_

 _I hate my life. Draco kissed me thinking I was Capella. Thought he could tell us apart by now?_

 _Why does she get everything?_

 _C._

It was quick, but it made her treatment of me in the months that followed our second year at Hogwarts make more sense. Draco kissed her, mistaking her for me. Funny, I'd never known that happened. Draco had never really shown interest in me before in my life, so I questioned the validity of that entire situation.

Not Carina's interpretation of it, but what he had told her. He'd known us since we were children, and although we were identical, there were ways to tell us apart. Carina had a scar above her eyebrow where she fell and cut it open once. We were at a playground, and since there were muggles around we had to bring her to the hospital where she'd get stiches. Mum was so mad about that, because we could've healed her in seconds, but by the time we got out of Muggle eyes, it would've scarred anyways.

Draco and I got on, but I didn't want to bring up the kiss. Not yet – I had to bide my time. I had to read more of her story. He was still looking at me when I glanced back over.

"I hexed a couple fourth years that said they thought you killed her." He muttered, "That's just stupid."

"Is that what the Hufflepuffs think?" I asked, closing my eyes and breathing out, trying to calm myself down. That's just stupid. As if I'd kill my own sister. "Who?" I asked, craning my neck to look at the other three tables, "I'll hex them myself."

"No, Avery." He said, putting a hand on my arm, "It's not worth it. Carina wouldn't want that."

"Didn't realize you were the Carina authority now." I said darkly, putting my head down, aware of Nott's arm still around me. I looked over at him. "You want to go raise some hell?" I asked, and he nodded. We got up, and I led the way to the Entrance Hall, never looking back.

"What class do you have first?" I asked Theo, we made our way back towards the dungeons. There was still a bit of time before the first classes started.

"Free period." He said, "You?"

"Same." I lied – I had arithmancy. But everything had just been so overwhelming – Carina, the diary entry – Nott, Draco. I was feeling numb. We went into the Common Room and he sat down next to me on the couch. "Promise you won't tell anyone about this." I whispered, noting the empty room as I leaned in and pressed my lips against his.

I don't know if I kissed him because I wanted to, or because I needed to feel somebody else's lips crashing against my own.

"You're amazing." Theo breathed when we finally came up for air. I smiled coyly at him.

"Do not tell anyone." I repeated, "That needs to be our little secret." He looked confused, but nodded anyways. I didn't really want a relationship, so I especially didn't want gossip. Not about Theo and I.

"Avery?" He said, looking up at me before he grabbed his bookbag. "I know fifth years don't get free periods."

I just smirked, and watched him walk out of the common room.


End file.
